Decluttering for Duchesses
Everyone and anyone is decluttering these days, including the Bladder-Warwicks, and for anyone out there who doesn’t know what I mean by decluttering the (rather dreary) definition is:
To remove unnecessary items from (an untidy or overcrowded place).
And when I say duchesses, I mean anyone, titled or otherwise, with larger premises. Those living in small houses or flats must, by necessity, declutter regularly or they would simply run out of space, but those of us with attics, barns, stables, a spare dower house or an unoccupied west wing can horde for years, even generations, before the need for a clear out. And by then the problem is frightful!
But don’t fret, because by following the Bladder-Warwick method outlined in this blog you will be able to tackle your problem, however ginormous, with the minimum of stress. And as with everything I post on my blog, I have done this myself so I know it works!
Reasons to Declutter
There are only two basic reasons to declutter, though the internet will try to tell you there are many more. Don’t be fooled!
The true reasons to declutter are:
To make room for new(er) or different stuff
To raise lots of lovely dosh
To raise lots of lovely dosh to pay for new(er) or different stuff.
You may need to clear the decks because you are updating your décor and your interior designer has suggested new paintings, furniture and objet d’art for their scheme. I have many words of wisdom when it comes to dealing with interiors as I have run my own (hugely successful) design business for a number of years. If you want any advice or to see my latest designs please visit interiorbladders.com.
And whilst we’re on the subject of object d’art, many of you will know of my most famous venture with my old school chum Patsy Tremble-Bottomley (whose husband Roly was the legal whizz of the law firm Tremble, Strange & Greenish before that silly fuss with the Law Society). After a wonderful holiday together to the Far East, Patsy and I set up a business importing authentic artefacts for the home. Do check out bladdersfullofeasternpromise.com.
But I digress!
The best reason to declutter is so you can raise lots of cash and whether it’s to fix the roof, pay your interior designer or put a jolly hefty bet on a sure thing at Cheltenham, it’s up to you!
And for more money saving ideas see my blog post Bladders on a Budget.
Difficult areas to tackle
I’m not going to waste time here telling you how to tidy out a drawer, but I have set out some ideas about the really difficult areas that you are likely to encounter:
Barns/Stables/Outbuildings
Here you tend to discover old vehicles and large items of furniture. Totty Grunt-Wittering found a tank in her barn which, it turned out, her father had brought back from the war as a souvenir - more on that later!
I would strongly advise getting an auctioneer in to give you a valuation of anything that looks promising as otherwise you could be selling a Rolls Royce for the price of a Reliant Robin!
Attics and Locked Rooms
Now Totty also tells me that there are rooms in Wittering House that she has never set foot in and that have remained locked all her married life. Other friends of mine have never been up to their own attics for fear of spiders or bats!
All I can say is, now come on girls! Don a stout pair of riding boots and some old togs and get in there.
Attics are the place to find old paintings which means you could discover a masterpiece. Even if not, you could still contact that gorgeous art expert from the BBC just on the off chance…
And another piece of Bladder-Warwick wisdom here: If you find old firearms or ammunition, please contact the police. I find that the constabulary will dispose of the items for you and probably not bring charges for unlicensed possession if you don’t make them use the tradesman’s entrance and throw in a jolly good afternoon tea.
Below Stairs
Caution is the watch word here. Just because something looks old and useless to you doesn’t mean it’s not of vital importance to your domestic comfort. I had just this problem with Mrs Boothby, the housekeeper at Bladder Hall, but I’m pleased to say that the misunderstanding has been resolved and, in accordance with the tribunal’s ruling, she has now been fully reinstated.
Dressing Rooms
A good tip here is when you take a garment out of your dressing room to wear, after you take it off, hang it up in your guest dressing room. After a few weeks all the clothes that you regularly wear will be hanging in one dressing room and all the ones you never wear will be in the other, so you know exactly what to ditch!
What to do with the stuff
The next challenge is to dispose of the stuff you’ve found in the most appropriate manner:
Repurpose
Remember Totty and the tank? Well in the end she used it to plant begonias in on the south terrace at Wittering House. It just goes to show that all you need to re-use previously unloved items is a little imagination! (And in that case a rather large crane).
Sell
The local auction house is probably alright for bits of Chippendale and the odd Ming vase, but anything decent should go up to one of the big auction houses in London.
My advice when ringing one of these grand London places is to ask for Charles. They always have at least one Charles on the staff and they are usually pretty senior so you don’t to get fobbed off with an underling.
Foist onto poorer relatives or friends
And then you are left with the tat! Yes, it’s sad to say that even in the best families there are those without taste. And this stuff can be hard to shift, believe me!
This is where the poor relation (or poor friend) comes in. Load up the Range Rover with the ghastly picture/dinner service/sideboard, drive to their semi, tell them you’ve heard they were in dire straits and you’ve come to their aid, off load the crap and drive off, foot to the floor! Couldn’t be simpler!
An alternative method for really large items is just to send the removers round with a note from you explaining the things are a gift. They will almost certainly be too polite or too poor to send the stuff back!
Donate
The National Trust apparently are only really interested in donations of land and houses of historical significance, but you can give anything else to your local charity shop and they’ll take it off your hands.
My advice - to save any embarrassment is to send a member of staff to make the donation. And it will make a nice excursion for them too!
Bin
And, when all else fails, utilise your local tip. It’s free for domestic users!
I find the chaps at my tip immensely helpful and they all seem to know who I am for some reason…
And one final point:
Some blogs will tell you that too much clutter can lead to stress and anxiety, but I simply don’t believe it. Duchesses and other landed folk don’t get stressed by having too much of anything - be it money, land or priceless antiques - possibly by having too little, but never by having too much.
And there we have it, another issue that people make a huge fuss about but, once it’s been Bladder- Warwicked, it’s jolly simple!
Until next time…
Maggie B-W.