Bladder Bards

As many of you know already, we Bladder-Warwicks are deep thinkers and steeped in culture.

And, as this is the land of Wordsworth, Coleridge, and Southey, I have often thought about putting quill to parchment myself. I’m sure I could do a decent job without resorting to living in a depressing little hovel right next to the A591 with my sister…

So to cut an epic saga short, I have decided to launch the Bladder Hall Poetry Competition, otherwise known as Bladder Bards.

So get scribbling and send your entries to me, Maggie Bladder-Warwick at bladderbards@gmail.com by 31 January 2024. The entries can be on any topic whatsoever, except daffodils. No daffodils. In fact any mention of daffs will result in instant disqualification.

And the most fabulous thing is that the first prize is a weekend here at Bladder Hall with us B-Ws!

And to give some inspiration, here are a few early entries:

‘In Praise of Totty Grunt-Wittering’ by Anon.

There once was a top gal called Totty

Who many chaps thought was a hotty,

She’d mix you a drink

That’d turn your eyes pink

Then whack you quite hard on your…

‘Sheep’ by Douglas Bladder-Warwick

I wandered lonely as a shepherd

Who treks on high o’er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd

A host of Herdwick pedigrees

Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Munching and farting in the breeze.

‘Oh to be Thin’ by Monica Bigby-Bumstead

I want to be slender,

How I wish to be trim,

But I don’t want to do

What makes people thin!

‘The Apron of Anarchy’ by Mrs Boothby

Housekeepers of England, heiresses of glory,

Heroines of buffet lunches cleaning the upper storey,

Rise up like lionesses after slumber,

Don’t take that message, forget their number,

Shake your apron to the floor,

Provide additional services no more,

‘What is freedom?’ I hear you cry,

Tell them to stuff their own game pie!

So, as you can see, the standard of entries is very high. But I look forward to reading yours very soon.

Until next time,

Maggie B-W.